I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
