just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize