If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
