Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
