You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
