I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize