curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
