I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
