One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
