I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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