she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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