I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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