I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
