I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize