Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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