well most of my day revolves around power hour
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
