I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
