I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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