I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancรฉ. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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