smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
