he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
