Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
