i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
