Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
accomplished twins. life is a go
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
