But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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