went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
