I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
