I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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