..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
