So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
