Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
