You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
