I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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