"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The feeling are messing with the penis
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize