Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
