Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
