Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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