Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
