I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize