ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
