just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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