I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
