I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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