the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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