So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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