I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
