you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
