At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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