im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
