It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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