If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize