these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
