I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
