this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
