He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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