maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
