The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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