Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
