Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Holy shit dude........stairs
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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