I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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