I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
