There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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