Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
