my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
