is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize