Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
