Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
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