Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
