He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize