I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
