the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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