the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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