fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
my liver is dry heaving
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
