So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
