If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
