Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
