he wants to bone in the snuggie
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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