Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
