When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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