I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
