dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
