Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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