how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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