She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
