I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
