im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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