New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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