Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize