I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
