Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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