No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize