i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
