He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize