Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
