Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
