It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
being pregnant is like rehab
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
