It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
