I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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