She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
