her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize