so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
