Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
