I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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